


Diaries of a Teenage Queen

by DreamingIce



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Very Secret Diary-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-25
Updated: 2010-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:10:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2507267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingIce/pseuds/DreamingIce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Queen Amidala really thinks about her adventure during the blockade. And all the important stuff. Like staying away from stalker-ish kids. Crack-fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diaries of a Teenage Queen

**Personal Diaries of Queen Amidala of Naboo  
 _Keep out unless you want me to throw you in prison as a violation of privacy!_**

 

**Day One:**

Am tired of sitting on this throne. Old guys are babbling at me about some blockade. Did I also mention that I'm dying in these clothes. You'd think that as Queen I would be able to wear what I want to wear, but nooooo. I have to wear these outdated, elaborate, heavy gowns that are impossible to move in instead.

Should make Sabé switch roles. The handmaidens may look all alike in those clothes, but at least they aren't heavy tents and you can actually  _move_  in those clothes.

**Later:**

Went through with plan to make Sabé look like Queen. They all think she is me. Am genius. But after that, could you believe it, a group of filthy battle droids barged in and told us that we were under arrest. How dare they! Stupid old guys looked scared and told me to do as I'm told.

Who's queen here, oldies?!

Then a couple of Jedi appeared and took charge. If the younger one wasn't so cute, I'd be fuming. They also had one of those ridiculous swampland creatures with them. He smelt.

**Day Three:**

Sabé still pretending. Should make her the handmaiden again soon, she's bossing me around too much. She made me clean an astromech, for Force sake. A queen should NOT have to do that. Old Jedi is being even bossier than the old guys who call themselves my advisors. Have to stop on some little desert rock before we go to Coruscant. Old Jedi going for parts. Maybe I'll follow him. Teach him that  _I'm_  the one in charge here!

**Later:**

Should have stayed on ship and flirted with young Jedi. It's hot. And dusty. And filthy. And the slaves are weird. The slave boy in this one shop said he was going to marry one day. Yeah right, kid. You've got mental issues. Also said he pilots pod racers, whatever they are. As I said, weird kid.

**Day Five:**

Podracing is stupid. Also suicidal. We should be gone by now, I want to go to Coruscant! Crazy old Jedi wants to take the weird slave kid with us. Like, whatever, just keep him away from me! He keeps staring at me!

**Day Seven:**

Coruscant was boring. Another ugly old guy babbling at me. And slave kid is still watching me. I had hope we'd lose him when the Jedi took him to the Jedi Temple. No such luck. Obviously someone at the Jedi Temple actually realised how freaky the kid is.

Anyways. Going back to Naboo. Feel like yelling at even stupider battle droids and Neimoidians. At least I'll get a decent reaction from them.

**Day Nine:**

Ha. Well I taught those nerf-brains not to mess with me! I went and yelled at those Trade Federation idiots and they are now in big trouble. They were scared off by a hormonal fourteen-year-old Queen. Suckers!

Downside: have to pretend to be nice to clumsy and smelly swamp creatures. That sucks. And can't flirt with the cute-looking Jedi anymore, cause he's take that damn slave kid as an apprentice, and he won't. Stop. Staring. At. Me!!

Am I allowed to lock away obsessive little kids under the guise of calling them stalkers?


End file.
